Wanting to write but disliking the nuisance of words.
In reality, I've always envied authors and public speakers in the way they communicate their words, a natural flow that resembles a river. The power of words is irrefutable, they are capable of sparking something in you, and if used wisely, could be the ultimate motivator.
I am personally not a master of words and they aren't exactly my best friends. Words are bound by society`s imagination. They are backed up by meaning bound to this earth, this life. They aren't capable of transcending past that, cant comprehend the meaning behind the mask, our true universe, our true nature. Regardless of that, words can try to decipher our inner workings and thoughts. For years I have desperately tried to explain my views and beliefs through words but can never get it quiet right... not even close.
Yet I still continue to write, everyday trying to find the right group of words that can somewhat explain the tornado of thoughts that lay in my head.
My curiosity for poetry began in high school. I was in between writing and drawing. Drawing took the lead of my interest (now, I rarely draw), but every so often i would continue to write poems. So here I`ll share one from 2009 (15 year old me) :
11.12.09
I feel as I were
drawing in a maze of no hope,
Drawing away
with a pencil with no led.
Drowning....taken
away
Bubbles of air
slipping away
I try to grasp
them, my dreams released.
But its
impossible to catch empty air.
And illusions
become my water.
I am cold,
buried in a snow full of doubt.
Oxygen is slowly
running out.
A butterfly
bursting up in flames,
Lasting
thoughts, final memories.
The worthless
feeling of being unwanted.
denied,
rejected. Jealousy is acted.
My pencil traces
the dull, white canvas.
Tainted fingers
mimic my melted heart.
Blood boils down
& rushes to the head.
& my whole
body gently rips apart.
Toxins are
released as a desperate call,
Air is now
ceased from my control
Panic is etched
into my palms
Drawings are
confused with my skin.
Reality becomes
distorted, I can't breathe!
My hand releases
the pencil, no motion.
Surroundings are
covered in led.
Bubbles of air
has popped to the surface
& body sinks
deeper in the ocean.
